What I learned from SlutWalk and Big Freedia

(X-posted from School For Scandal)

This was a helluva weekend- SlutWalk on Saturday, and a Big Freedia show on Sunday. For the unacquainted, Big Freedia is an incredible Transgendered "Bounce" rapper from New Orleans- a genre of music almost exclusively dedicated to shaking your ass. The mostly white, hipster crowd at the Do-Division Street Festival didn't quite know what to make of the glorious Queen Diva and her crew of rump shaking dancers, but before long, an ass-shaking dance-off was going down on stage.

So here's the thing. People- all kinds of people of all genders and colors, are on stage, doing incredibly lewd, sexy dancing- bent over, humping the stage, flashing panties and boobs as a self proclaimed "dick eater" spurs them on with a chant of "AZZ EVERYWHERE, AZZ EVERYWHERE!"

Is it sexy? Damn right. Are they showing off for attention? Of course. Are they only doing it for the attention? Maybe some of them are, but I suspect a lot of them are doing it because it FEELS GOOD.

Is it exploitation? Not really, going on stage is totally optional, anyone who wants to dance can dance and no one can tell them not to, and they dance because it's fun. Is it "Girls Gone Wild?" Not really, unless GGW had a "queer multicultural edition with occasional stretchmarks, cellulite and hairy armpits."

Nevertheless, there's a whole lot of scantily clad ass and crotches in the air. So what makes Big Freedia show different from your average hip hop video? It's the fact that the dancers are doing it for themselves. They are taking pleasure in the fact that shaking your ass does feel good, and it feels AWESOME to do it in public if you feel like you're not going to get raped/groped/harassed for doing it.

And yes, I shook my ass, and yes, I roamed around the street fair in a pink teeshirt, a pair of hot pink tights, motorcycle boots and black ruffle butt panties during and after the Big Freedia show. Because I feel awesome and sexy when I wear this kind of outfit in a place where I feel safe. I felt safe because I've got a big strong body, a confident kick ass attitude, friends by my side, and I was in a place where I knew harassment would not be tolerated. (And as soon as I left, I put my skirt back on, because I didn't feel safe outside of the confines of the event. Reality bites.)

To give an analogy: it's the difference between me kissing a girl at a gay bar vs. a straight bar. If I kiss a girl in a gay bar, nobody cares. It's a safe space to enjoy myself in this way. However, if I kiss a girl in a straight bar, all of a sudden men come out of the woodwork, wanting to take pictures, propositioning a threesome, staring, etc. The problem here is not that I enjoy kissing girls sometimes. I shouldn't stop kissing girls when I want to because it "asks for trouble." The problem is if I kiss a girl at a bar where an uneducated straight man thinks that I'm kissing a girl to entertain or titillate him (and to be fair, some girls DO but this should never be the automatic assumption), instead of doing it for my own pleasure, and assumes it's an invitation to harassment. Even if a couple of straight girls are making out with the sole intention of turning on straight dudes, it shouldn't be taken as blanket consent for creepy behavior.

My friend K. put it pretty succinctly when she said "the creepers ruin it for the gentlemen." As long as creepers are creeping, ALL straight men are going to run up against Schrodinger's Rapist.

So here's the thing.

A lot of people told me that I shouldn't dress sexy for SlutWalk. "Well, of course you can if you want to," they said. "But do you really want to enforce the notion that this is about titillation, and detracting from the anti-rape message of the rally?"

UGH, you're missing the point.

Don't get me wrong- I think everyone should wear what makes them feel comfortable, and I don't feel that dressing sexy is a requirement for SlutWalk at all. But you're just bad as that notorious Toronto policeman if you tell me "Don't dress slutty (AT FUCKING SLUTWALK!) because you'll attract the wrong kind of attention."

As a teenager, my mom discouraged me from wearing tight clothes, red lipstick, etc. because I looked old for my age and she didn't want me to attract the "wrong kind of attention." I know her heart was in the right place and she just wanted me to be safe. But it is only through questioning the idea that I must hide my beauty, my sexiness, and my spirit from others that I have found confidence and self love. If I'm gonna wear sweats, it's because I'm feeling lazy, not because I want to hide my fabulous ass (and trust me honey, nothing really succeeds in hiding my ass). As a grown woman, I'll wear a tight skirt if I damn well please. As a curvy woman, my body is OBJECTIFIED no matter what I wear. Nothing short of a burlap sack will hide my breasts, and I refuse to wear a burlap sack. I will take control of my sexuality and my appearance and wear what turns ME on. Being a woman in a sex negative society is never "safe" regardless of what you wear, but I refuse to be ruled by fear.

How often am I allowed to walk down the street in Downtown Chicago in a super short rainbow minidress and gartered fishnet stockings and feel TOTALLY SAFE AND CONFIDENT AND FREE? I am sure that some people considered what I wore to Slutwalk to be "slutty" but it was hardly playboy bunny gear, and as a fat girl, baring my thighs in public feels like an awesome fuck you to a culture that wants me to believe I am undesirable when we know it just AIN'T TRUE. I don't mind being looked at, flirted with, whatever as long as it is done in a way that is respectful and consensual. And Slutwalk gave me a glimpse of what society would be like if I could wear whatever I damn pleased without thinking "will this get me harassed if I wear it in public." And it was a DAMN GOOD feeling.



My point here, is the problem isn't shaking your booty for a crowd, or showing your thighs in public. It's the idea that doing these things means you're "asking" to be violated. So honestly, I think the MORE we create safe, inclusive spaces do these things that make us feel good (and no judgement if you don't enjoy dressing scanty and lascivious dancing- it ain't for everyone) the more we are moving away from rape culture and towards a sex positive culture where we can do what FEELS GOOD- even if it's *gasp* SEXY- without fear of shame, assault, or humiliation.