The Skong Song

So it's Friday afternoon and I haven't posted anything in a few days, so you get FLUFF. Lacy genital fluff. That's right, I'm writing about underwear.

I got a Fredericks of Hollywood catalog in the mail the other day, which is always a treat, since it's got the trashiest underwear you can buy outside of the hooker wig stores in Logan Square and East Wicker Park, and I am a huge fan of such things. However, I was a little disturbed by a new trend unfortunately named lingerie: the skong. (see exhibit a)

At first I assumed it was a typo, but then I realized it's a reference to a ridonculous skirt/thong combo, not someone's soiled drawers (ie, skanky thong). It kind of reminds me of those skirted bikini bottoms small children wear, but I'm not going to run a google image search for "toddler bikini pics" to illustrate as that would probably set off a pedophilia sting operation. At any rate, the skong is almost as terrible as the amazing "sexy apron lingerie" teddy thing (with pockets!) I spotted at Pay Half a while back. (exhibit b) At least they didn't try calling that a "slapron" or something equally terrible. (Remember the slanket?)

I am also kind of ashamed to admit I considered buying crotchless gartered undies from the Frederick's catalog. Historically I always thought crotchless underwear were really dumb and pointless, but now I think they could *maybe* be slutty in a hot way. I like boning while wearing a garter belt and/or my panties pulled to one side, so in a weird way maybe crotchless panties would be hot. Or just skanky. Or both?

I've also gotten really addicted to window shopping for undies for my BF. I think the majority of men's underwear is really boring/unhot, except for the stuff that's made for gay men (and even then, a gold lame thong with a zip front is just taking it too far). My BF is straight but gets away with dressing like a gay man, so I bought him a three pack of black briefs from PAPI at a gay clothing shop in the Castro while vacationing in San Francisco, and they are SO HOT! At first I wasn't sure if his white ass could get away with wearing twink briefs with a vaguely incestuous homoerotic Spanish term of endearment emblazoned across the waistband, but fuck it, because they make his junk look amazing, and less cliche than Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein! (and you can also buy them at Macy's in Chicago, woot!) Their website is almost as fun as the Frederick's catalog, especially the purple undies that have a fucking SAMURAI silk screened over the dick (exhibit C)!!! And no, they didn't pay me to say any of this, though they should, even if I am not their target demographic.

Um, did this post have a point? FUCK NO! Enjoy your weekend!!!