Cookware and Ambidexerity

First off, it didn't turn out to be a twink I spent the night with. The twink and self-described former fratboy stood me up. Instead I ended up with a guy, who while sweet and a good lay, spoke exactly like Wallace Shawn. Luckily, he didn't speak during sex. Otherwise, I couldn't have helped myself from blurting, “Anybody want a penis?”

Back to the point, as I assure you I have one. Bisexuality was gaining ground in the 1970s, 80s and 90s as a real identity. Somewhere along the line, people looked at the flawed label and pointed out that it really didn't encompass the spectrum of human desire, as if that failing was unique to the bisexual label. Thus we got self-described pansexuals, ambisexuals, pomosexuals, polysexuals, sapiosexuals, etc. The most often cited reason was that these people could love and date people who were transgendered, intersex, or in some way gender queer.

While I don't want to shit on inclusiveness, I find the reasoning to contain an element of exclusiveness and othering, in addition to a dose of third-gendering. Yes, the prefix bi does mean two. That's a language issue, not an issue residing with the people taking the label. When one says, “I'm pan because I'd sleep with/date/love a transgendered person, one is implying that other, non-pansexual people would never get involved. It's also making transfolk to be some weird other. Many transfolks identify as having a specific gender identity. If you're a person assigned male gender at birth and now live and thrive as a woman, then why should you feel flattered by having someone effectively say, “I could love you, not because I am attracted to women, but because I can see past what other people of your desired gender cannot”?

Finally, there's an element of terribly misplaced elitism in these labels. Lord knows, many bisexuals have been guilty of sitting on the “I see people, not genders” horse. That trope needs to be retired. So do labels such as sapiosexual. So you only screw the thinking? How deep you are. You'd pass on a hot piece of (non-gender specific) ass if the person doesn't share you're nuanced understanding of Heinlein's science fiction? Geek, please. Ambisexual is just as useless. It implies the same duality as bisexual, but also sounds like you can do your one-handed typing with either hand. And pansexual. Whenever I hear it, I think of my unhealthy obsession with Creuset cookware. It's also the most othering of the lot, if only by virtue of being the most popular.

As my old drill instructor used to say, “Suck it up, snowflake!”

And with that, I'm off to go watch a “My Dinner With Andre” and “Princess Bride” double feature.