Dirty in Deutschland

So, dear readers, after three years of de facto monogamy, I can now proudly say I am an international slut of mystery.  “Sexy German” now gets a notch on my metaphorical bedpost.  (Reminder: look into bed frames that will actually work with bondage gear.)

It all started because during sex month and after, The Boy and I started communicating a lot more frequently and with a lot more honesty about our kinks and desires. It turns out that he’s been nursing a fairly strong “hotwife” fetish for a long time now.  (Not to be confused with cuckhold, which involves an element of humiliation)  This gave me the prompting I needed to re-activate my OKCupid profile and begin the hunt for at least some casual sex, although I am hoping to eventually find a friend-with-benefits because I really hate online dating.  

Within a week or two, “Fritz” messaged me.  Because the picture I use on OKC is older and not particularly representative of how I look now for privacy reasons, I suggested immediately that we exchange recent pics to make sure there was mutual attraction.  There’s absolutely no point wasting time messaging back and forth if the guy isn’t attracted to my fat ass, right?  I discovered this with one of the first guys who messaged me, a Swiss who I had long conversations with non-monogamy about, but once I sent my pictures to him, heard nothing in return.  Ouch.  But he looked like Julian Assange and I’m not that into albinos anyway.

Fritz responded that he thought I was beautiful and sexy, and the pictures he sent in return were very promising.  So we arranged first time, public meetup, with no sex on the table.  That’s my standard procedure from the past and it’s always served me well.  Unfortunately the only night he was free, I was also a bit overbooked - I had an early date with a couple of friends for drinks, and then a later meetup with a different group of friends planned as well.  That ended up working out good - the drinks with friends loosened me up and helped with the crazy pit of anxiety before meeting him, and having plans later gave me a graceful “exit”.

Good news: he looked just like he did in the pictures.  5’11, solid build, square jaw and piercing blue eyes.  He was bald, but has one of those heads that looks great without hair.  He’s 36, a bit of a sex fiend, currently single, somewhat familiar with open relationships.  He was a little concerned that I had a military man waiting at home with a shotgun, but I was able to reassure him that The Boy was just as eager as I was to have me get some.  His English was great, and he had an affable, easy-going manner and comes across as quite intelligent.  We talked at length about fantasies and boundaries, but also had fun small talk about the U.S. and Germany, cultural differences, and all of that.

He has a very busy schedule, but we were able to schedule a date at my place for the next week.  I was fine with that until a few hours beforehand, when I started to get incredibly nervous again and was deeply regretting the whole thing.  (I always go through this before any encounter!)  But bourbon helped.  When he arrived, I confessed my anxiety and he said he was nervous too, but within 20 minutes of chatting, he asked me if I could turn around so he could get a better look at my ass.  Somehow I always attract the ass men!  

I don’t want to kiss and tell, but let’s just say that he absolutely loves my body type and made me feel incredibly hot.  A lot of fun, sweaty sex happened for several hours. I was pretty impressed by his ability to just … keep...going.  He’s definitely a high libido kind of guy.  My nerves melted away thanks to his clearly stated desire for me, and I had a great time.  It was even better when The Boy came home after Fritz had left and the sex fiesta continued.

Fritz messaged me very soon after leaving telling me what a great time he had.  My only regret is he didn’t talk dirty to me in Deutsch.  We have plans to meet again later in the month, but this time The Boy is going to be involved too.  Not only do I attract ass men, but bi-curious ass men.  What is it about me?  Whatever, I’m not complaining!  I have yet to have an MMF threesome where I have chemistry and attraction to both the guys, so I’d written them off.  Thanks to Fritz, the idea is much more appealing.

In the end, it’s been a huge confidence boost for me, and while I’m not sure if Fritz will fill the role as the serious FWB I’m hoping to find due to his really busy schedule, I definitely think he’ll be a good match for me and us when the stars and our schedules all align.

Next goal: pick someone up in person.  It’s been ages since I’ve done that, but I’ve got a couple of wingladies and we’re gonna make this happen!

Memoirs of a Unicorn

I am too GGG for my own damn good.

While I understand and appreciate Dan Savage’s fundamental principal of being a good, game and giving lover, I think there are many times it has led me astray. Like putting up with a crazy boyfriend who insisted on wearing a wrestling suit during sex, every time. Really, sometimes it’s okay to be NOT GGG. Namely, being the unicorn for people that you are not in a relationship with.

Last night my boyfriend asked me if I’d ever be into having a threesome with him. I replied that only if it was with him and another dude. I’ve been the unicorn too many times. The “hot bi babe” the boy-girl couple recruits for the threesome, then sends home in a cab a few hours later after they’ve enjoyed “spicing up” their relationship for a night.

I will admit that I did a lot dumb stuff in my twenties out of curiosity, for the stories, or simply because I like making people happy. FFM threesomes, while occasionally fun, and often problematic, have never really been my fantasy. MMF threesomes, on the other hand- bring it on. They just makes more sense logistically in terms of stick to hole ratio, but every time I get one lined up, someone backs out. And goddamit, karma owes me one for being the unicorn so many times over.

Having reached the ripe old age of thirty, I am frankly bored with being the person who makes someone else’s fantasy come true when there’s nothing in it for me. Oddly enough, although I’d participated in any number of orgies, play parties, and poly triads by my late twenties, I was 28 before I had my first threesome. I had a lot of FFM threesomes when I was 28, enough to pretty much lose interest in FFM threesomes forever.

I’ve read somewhere that it’s good etiquette to make the outsider party the focus of attention in a threesome, but I’ve never experienced that to be the case. Generally speaking, the FFM threesome is mainly for the benefit of one player in particular- and usually (though not always) it’s the man. At its worse, this manifested as one occasion where I helped a Domme fuck her husband’s ass- until he came and rolled over, and she walked away, and I hadn’t even taken my panties off! (And we’d supposedly negotiated that I was supposed to be the focus of the scene? After he got fucked, of course, and once he got fucked, he forgot all about that…)

On another occasion, I went down on the female primary partner of a guy I was dating while he watched in bondage. Once untied, she fucked him while I sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed, and I got sent home in a cab without getting off. Later she told me she “viewed me like a sister.” Ouch.

There was one couple I played with where I really felt like everyone had a good time- they were both hot, adventurous, and giving. Until they started texting and calling me non-stop with bizarro, controlling drama and power plays for the entire week following the hookup.

Honestly, I just find it easier to have sex with one person at a time. Margaret Cho once said something to the effect that a threesome is like trying to jam way too much stuff in your mouth at one time. She has a point, metaphorically and literally.

I’m hanging up my horn and relinquishing my hot bi babe duties to the younger, more curious, less jaded ladies. It’s time to be GGG for myself.