When Sex is NOT Fun: A Haterate Mini-series

So much for that promise to update the blog more regularly, huh?  Let's just say that uprooting your entire life and moving around the country is a bit more daunting than one might imagine. But no time for excuses, because I've got some hate to share with y'all.  But because of my tendancy to get long-winded, I'm gonna break it down into a couple of posts.

In the world of sex-positive blogging and podcasting, the "Sex is Fun" podcast is one of the best-known.  It's also a podcast that I should like, because in theory it's a group of diverse, knowledgeable "sex educators" (more on that later) talking about sex, open relationships, toys, health, and all that important stuff, with an inclusive, queer-friendly take on things.  On the surface, it sounds great.  And certainly it has been, and there have been many episodes I've enjoyed.

The problem is that the creator and main host of the podcast, a guy who goes by the disturbingly awful moniker "Kidder Kaper" is a creepy, douchey narcissist.  And I'm only being half-insulting here.  In a particularly apt display of self-awareness, Kidder does in fact identify himself frequently as a narcissist.  Which is good.  Because he is.  The problem is he's quite proud of this, and is happy, lately, to let the podcast revolve around him.

But I don't want this to be all entire petty haterade, so let's give credit where credit is due.  Kidder is a straight married white guy in his late 30's, who is pretty knowledgeable about sex.  He's a big proponent of anal pleasure for men, which is rare and cool enough to be worth noting.  Even more surprising is that lately he's become something of a proponent for greater acceptance of male bisexuality - in the swinging scene, in porn, just in general.  Good for him.  Have I said enough nice things about him yet?

Kidder describes himself as a "sex educator" although as far as I can tell, he defines "education" as being a sex podcaster who has written a sex manual.  He has no academic credentials or certifications to back up this title. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but when it comes to something as serious as educating about sex, I think the resume should be a little more padded.  He apparently got into the business by writing sex games.  Seriously.  The whole "Sex is Fun" podcast is tied in directly with a line of sex games.

Luckily there are co-hosts, including "Gay Rick" who is an actual HIV/AIDS educator, and LauraRad who also has an actual professional background in sex education and is one of the more thoughtful members of the team. "Coochie" is the sound engineer but also chimes in, as does "Lorax" who handles the web aspect of things and also is Kidder's bff/a girl he wants to fuck.

The problem with the podcast can really be boiled down to Kidder, who has a habit of making himself the focus of everything.  Even when interviewing sex-positive superstars like Tristian Taramino, he still manages to turn the focus back on the important part: Kidder.  He's made entire episodes that are simply anecdotes about parties - not sex parties, mind you, just normal parties.  Oh, he's also a douche on the forums.  Let me share some of Kidder's wisdom with you.

On homebirthing:
"Who really cares if people choose to give birth at home? There are too many people on the planet anyway. I guess as long as they don't want society to pay for their oxygen deprived (special in a bad way) children, I say go for it. I really don't care if they have the proper training OR they just have a doula."

On dudes threatened by their partner's masturbation:
"Whenever a partner is jealous, regardless of why, it is usually a good idea to identify what you are doing to make them feel unspecial. If they feel as though your masturbation is leaving them high and dry, it seems reasonable for you to prove to them that it doesn't, in-fact you could even show them how much better your sex is because you masturbate."   
Or their partner might just be a dick who can't deal with women getting off without them.

On Kidder the Caveman:
"I've found that fighting who I am is only moderately successful and destroys all that which makes me, me. A long time ago, the tribe needed my kind, to stay awake, keep the fire burning and protect us all from predators that attacked in the night. Even more important than our nocturnal sentinel abilities was our imagination, that was given free range range free in the wee hours of the night. So as important as dreams are, they pale in comparison to ideas."
This might seem unfair out of context.  But it made no sense in context either.

On boycotting a sex resort for not allowing queer men:
"Boycotting them now isn't boycotting Desire at all. It is boycotting us. Continue as you wish but know that if we fail to get a good showing, you are hurting us and our goal to make them realize that we are a force to be reckoned with...So do what you will, but know that we're the ones holding the bill at the end of the day when this trip fails."

On charges the podcast focuses on him too much:
"It would be incredibly stupid to call the show the "Kidder Caper Show" especially because my name is Kidder Kaper you illiterate twat. I will always rant about religion and I will say whatever the FUCK I wish about tattoos whenever the FUCK I feel like saying it. "Tats are dumb!" See I just did it again."
He really dislikes tattos and body  piercings I guess? But I'm glad he clarified the spelling of his fake last name.

On pussies:
"Laura Rad and Gay Rick are significantly better educators than I am, especially if the students are big pussies. (If you got offended by the word "pussies" in the last sentence, you are definitely in the "pussy camp") Me, I'm better at dealing with big boys and girls that can take the truth without a bunch of sugar to help make the truth more tasty."

On his wife's sexual shortcomings:
"She also has trouble giving me head for very long without experiencing jaw pain and is quite selfish when it comes to letting me play with her ass. The things that she offers me for putting up with these minor annoyances are FUCKING IMMEASURABLE, so much that I feel like a complete douchebag for even contemplating complaining that I don't get to pump ball juice her in the ass as often as I may like."
Despite the supposedly romantic spirit of this quote, calling his wife "selfish" because he can't fuck her ass all the time is a dick move.  Also: ball juice?

On "Pedal-Stools":
"I think it is a terrible loss to the American consciousness that we raise people on pedal-stools that have done absolutely nothing to deserve even a mention in the freaking classifieds, while others who are actually doing amazing things for humanity are rarely getting any mention in the popular press."
I'm just being petty now, but I cannot get over "pedal-stools."

Hopefully these hilarious quotes from the master of sex education (in the same way that I, by having a blog about sex and thinking about sex, am also a "sex educator")  have given you some insight into the irritating showboat that is Kidder Kaper (thank god I know how to spell that!)  This is really just a set up for part 2: When Kidder, open relationship expert, finds himself deeply threatened by the dreaded "full swap" and uses his podcast to bully his wife.  Or we can just call it an educational series in how not to do open relationships.  Because I'm an educator!