Well, I haven't gotten The Boy to write an update yet. Something about him being on night schedule and then I force him to go on a vacation while he's still on a night schedule and blah blah blah.
What's amazing actually is that we were a) stupid enough to start this challenge when he was on a night schedule (which means, on days he works, we see each other maybe an hour or two a day, while he's getting ready for work) and b) managed to go on a trip with friends and still had sex every day!
Historically we're not great about about having sex on trips, at least short ones. We take a fair amount of overnight/weekend breaks to great cities, because that's part of our hedonistic Euro lifestyle now. But we're usually pounding the pavement, sightseeing, exploring new bars, eating rich foods, being distracted by all the exciting fun stuff, and then end up in a somewhat crappy hotel or hostel room at the end of the day, exhausted. Not conducive to sex.
On this trip - for the Boy's birthday - we went with another couple that was also celebrating a birthday, and we shared an apartment with them. I think if we weren't doing the sex challenge, we absolutely would not have had sex on this kind of trip. As it was, despite The Boy being exhausted from lack of sleep, we managed to do it 3 times on the trip!
Ironically, our "off day" occurred on our travel day back. We got back home and we were both just exhausted, I was hungover, The Boy was drunk but sobering up. Neither one of us was interested.
The next night, I was better rested and he was really interested, but I wasn't feeling it at all. Despite supposedly ovulating - oh, is this where I drop that we're trying to conceive? Yeah, lol - I had no desire. And The Boy's been having some health issues and I was so tempted to try to weasel out of it. I think I even suggested it, briefly, but after some nice cuddling in bed together, I figured "Why stop now?" and we had a satisfying quickie.
The next day, my libido was back, just as before. Sadly since he's back at work, our last three days, while fun, have been quickies. But they're fun and keep the mood going.
I don't know if either of us is quite as sexually charged as we felt during the first 12 or so days, but I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night when we have time to just really enjoy it.
Another factor may be that I was actually ovulating way earlier than I realized. For me, I have a much higher libido right as I finish my period until a bit after I ovulate, and then my sex drive takes a big tumble for the rest of my cycle. All my life I've had exceedingly regular periods I could count on like clockwork, but the last few months, things have been a little off. I started experiencing breast tenderness right when I was "supposed" to be ovulating, which is supposedly a sign of ovulation, but it hasn't gone away, which is leading me to think I am actually pre-menstrual now, a full week earlier than expected, and was probably ovulation in the days up to the trip and during the trip, which would explain both my high libido then and my lesser one now.
What's silly is it took me writing this post to realize that hey, I actually have been experiencing all my normal PMS symptoms for a few days. Well, with knowledge comes power. But that also means that I apparently decided to start a 30 day sex challenge during my shortest menstrual cycle ever. While my husband was working nights. While we were traveling.
Well, they don't call it a challenge for nothing!
Showing posts with label libido. Show all posts
Showing posts with label libido. Show all posts
1/6/14
30 Day Sex Challenge!
So becoming casual Redditors has obviously got the boy and I thinking a lot more about sexual culture and sex in general, probably because we tend to lurk in forums related to sex, like /r/polyamory, /r/DeadBedrooms, /r/nofap, even /r/adultery. They're all fascinating. DeadBedrooms in particular - a subreddit for support and advice when one person wants a lot more sex than their partner.
I actually ended up finding Dead Bedrooms (DB) a few months ago, when we were going through a bit of a slowdown in our sex life. When we got together, nearly 9 years ago, our relationship was focused on sex from the beginning. The boy was actively trying to sleep with 50 girls in a year (we met in January - he didn't get too far into that experiment) and I was just out of a 6 year long monogamous relationship. From our second date, when we fucked for the first time, it was clear we had incredible sexual chemistry. The fact that he has an over 8-inch dick didn't hurt, either. We eventually fell in love with each other for reasons beyond sex, but our salacious beginnings meant that for us, even a relatively moderate drop in libido from either one of us can cause panic.
Of course, in a long term relationship, sex is not going to be as frequently desired as it was when you first got together. We both occasionally found ourselves going through periods where we were desiring sex significantly less and with the exception of when we were living apart so the boy could finish his degree, he's also had a very punishing work schedule for the entire time we've been together, with him alternating between 12 hour day and night shifts every few weeks. Not ideal. We've also grown older together, which can obviously dampen libido to some degree. At times the boy's chronic pain condition has made things difficult, and I have minor health issues that can make sex off-putting as well.
That said, things never got that dire, at least, not compared to anyone who posts in DB. We consider going a week without sex to indicate a major problem, and we've rarely gone longer than that for any reason other than physical separation - like when I was in California for a month last year. But when I found DB, we weren't having sex more than twice a week, sometimes less, and I wasn't feeling desired or like the boy was putting a lot of effort in. I even wrote a post I intended to publish there, but deleted it instead. The next day things turned around and our sex life has improved majorly in the months since then.
We started averaging 3-5 times a week, which is about as much as we tend to crave under normal circumstances. We were feeling pretty pleased with ourselves, but I think there's always room for improvement, and there's always time for SCIENCE! So I suggested that we do something we'd talked about before - have sex every day for a month. He was game, so here we are.
It's Day 6, and if you wanna know how things are going, one good indicator is that my vagina is sore as hell. In a good way, of course! It's been amazing and we're not even a week in yet. We find ourselves often having sex more than once a day which used to be a rare event. We've revealed fantasies and kinks to each other that we'd never talked about. We're talking honestly together about our sex life in a natural, unforced way. We're doings things we've never done for each other before, like writing naughty stories. Basically, we're having a ton of fun . There's an extra spring in both of our steps. Our libidos are way, way up. Last night, having drinks with friends, the boy couldn't keep his hands off me. He's acting like he used to act in the first few months we got together, and it's great. It's like we're in our 20s again!
I should explain our "rules" for the experiment. We're trying to have sex at least once a day for 30 out of 31 days, so this gives us one "day off" although obviously we're going to try to avoid using it. "Sex" is being defined as us being intimate together with the intention for at least one person to orgasm, although it still counts even if orgasm doesn't happen. That takes a lot of the pressure off. I think 30 days of having PIV sex with the requirement that we both orgasm would involve way too much pressure and end up being fairly unsexy. We haven't talked about it, but I think it's implicit that if anything really serious comes up - an emergency, or serious illness, and the experiment can be called off without guilt or bad feelings.
But that's it, really. But it's amazing how quickly it gets you in a different frame of mind. I've sometimes complained about how I often give the boy "freebie" orgasms via blowjobs without expecting anything from him but I never get that myself - well, that's changed! I'm getting a lot more erotic attention with less expectation of reciprocating which I think is freeing for him as well. I also just find myself saying "yes" instead of putting it off til later like I often do.
For example, this morning I'd been up for a few hours and was browsing the Internet happily with my coffee. The boy had just woken up, and as is typical, had a giant erection. (His morning wood is incredibly impressive). He came up to me and started fondling me and made me aware of his state. I hadn't showered, hadn't even brushed my teeth, wasn't feeling particularly horny - so normally I would have brushed him off. But...we're doing a sex challenge, so I know we have to do it at some point in the day, so why NOT now? I brushed my teeth, and we proceeded to have fantastic sex, with a clitoral orgasm and two g-spot orgasms from me (including the supposedly mythical simultaneous orgasm for us!)
If we're having this much fun 6 days in, what awaits us for the rest of the month? Well, I'll keep you updated. Suffice it to say, I've got my groove back, and we might actually be motivated to take advantage of the fact that we're a happily married kinky couple in an open relationship.
Don't worry though, despite improved mood, we're still going to snark the hell out of people on the Internet. That's another one of our kinks.
I actually ended up finding Dead Bedrooms (DB) a few months ago, when we were going through a bit of a slowdown in our sex life. When we got together, nearly 9 years ago, our relationship was focused on sex from the beginning. The boy was actively trying to sleep with 50 girls in a year (we met in January - he didn't get too far into that experiment) and I was just out of a 6 year long monogamous relationship. From our second date, when we fucked for the first time, it was clear we had incredible sexual chemistry. The fact that he has an over 8-inch dick didn't hurt, either. We eventually fell in love with each other for reasons beyond sex, but our salacious beginnings meant that for us, even a relatively moderate drop in libido from either one of us can cause panic.
Of course, in a long term relationship, sex is not going to be as frequently desired as it was when you first got together. We both occasionally found ourselves going through periods where we were desiring sex significantly less and with the exception of when we were living apart so the boy could finish his degree, he's also had a very punishing work schedule for the entire time we've been together, with him alternating between 12 hour day and night shifts every few weeks. Not ideal. We've also grown older together, which can obviously dampen libido to some degree. At times the boy's chronic pain condition has made things difficult, and I have minor health issues that can make sex off-putting as well.
That said, things never got that dire, at least, not compared to anyone who posts in DB. We consider going a week without sex to indicate a major problem, and we've rarely gone longer than that for any reason other than physical separation - like when I was in California for a month last year. But when I found DB, we weren't having sex more than twice a week, sometimes less, and I wasn't feeling desired or like the boy was putting a lot of effort in. I even wrote a post I intended to publish there, but deleted it instead. The next day things turned around and our sex life has improved majorly in the months since then.
We started averaging 3-5 times a week, which is about as much as we tend to crave under normal circumstances. We were feeling pretty pleased with ourselves, but I think there's always room for improvement, and there's always time for SCIENCE! So I suggested that we do something we'd talked about before - have sex every day for a month. He was game, so here we are.
It's Day 6, and if you wanna know how things are going, one good indicator is that my vagina is sore as hell. In a good way, of course! It's been amazing and we're not even a week in yet. We find ourselves often having sex more than once a day which used to be a rare event. We've revealed fantasies and kinks to each other that we'd never talked about. We're talking honestly together about our sex life in a natural, unforced way. We're doings things we've never done for each other before, like writing naughty stories. Basically, we're having a ton of fun . There's an extra spring in both of our steps. Our libidos are way, way up. Last night, having drinks with friends, the boy couldn't keep his hands off me. He's acting like he used to act in the first few months we got together, and it's great. It's like we're in our 20s again!
I should explain our "rules" for the experiment. We're trying to have sex at least once a day for 30 out of 31 days, so this gives us one "day off" although obviously we're going to try to avoid using it. "Sex" is being defined as us being intimate together with the intention for at least one person to orgasm, although it still counts even if orgasm doesn't happen. That takes a lot of the pressure off. I think 30 days of having PIV sex with the requirement that we both orgasm would involve way too much pressure and end up being fairly unsexy. We haven't talked about it, but I think it's implicit that if anything really serious comes up - an emergency, or serious illness, and the experiment can be called off without guilt or bad feelings.
But that's it, really. But it's amazing how quickly it gets you in a different frame of mind. I've sometimes complained about how I often give the boy "freebie" orgasms via blowjobs without expecting anything from him but I never get that myself - well, that's changed! I'm getting a lot more erotic attention with less expectation of reciprocating which I think is freeing for him as well. I also just find myself saying "yes" instead of putting it off til later like I often do.
For example, this morning I'd been up for a few hours and was browsing the Internet happily with my coffee. The boy had just woken up, and as is typical, had a giant erection. (His morning wood is incredibly impressive). He came up to me and started fondling me and made me aware of his state. I hadn't showered, hadn't even brushed my teeth, wasn't feeling particularly horny - so normally I would have brushed him off. But...we're doing a sex challenge, so I know we have to do it at some point in the day, so why NOT now? I brushed my teeth, and we proceeded to have fantastic sex, with a clitoral orgasm and two g-spot orgasms from me (including the supposedly mythical simultaneous orgasm for us!)
If we're having this much fun 6 days in, what awaits us for the rest of the month? Well, I'll keep you updated. Suffice it to say, I've got my groove back, and we might actually be motivated to take advantage of the fact that we're a happily married kinky couple in an open relationship.
Don't worry though, despite improved mood, we're still going to snark the hell out of people on the Internet. That's another one of our kinks.
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