Boy Looks Back At 30 Days of Getting His Rocks Off

So, Boy here.  As anyone reading this blog knows, Girl and I spent January embarked on a 30 day sex challenge.  It's now over a week completed and we've had lots of time to talk about it and examine the outcome.  Yes, we had lots of sex (vini, vidi, futi?). but the outcome was more than the some of its parts.  Sexual synergy if you will.

The biggest unintended consequence is that it puts sexual patterns into stark relief.  In one month we had as much sex as many couples manage in half a year.  You aren't as likely to notice specific behaviors when they're exercised once a week, but when it becomes a once a day thing, you are hard-pressed to miss them.

One of the major revelations (to me, anyway) was also revealed by the nature of doing this as a challenge.  Girl is far more likely to initiate.  We've discussed this before, and I thought I was doing better, but the fact is, that I have frequently fallen back into a lazy pattern of putting off sex until it's time for bed, at which point she would initiate a quickie that is not so likely to leave her satisfied.  It's done for the sake of maintaining the sexual connection and little else.  While doing that from time to time isn't a problem, try doing it five times in a week and see how your partner reacts.

A second major realization is that, for all of our talking at great length about our fears and our desires, we still had a lot to sort out.  It's also important to note that any big revelations about desires should be unpacked and explored thoughtfully.  No kink cram sessions.  What I'm saying is that you can't dump on your partner the revelation that you frequently orgasm to mental images of people throwing pies and then bring a lemon meringue into bed the next night, and definitely, if your partner responds positively, don't take that to mean that you can order up a month's worth of pies and then get naked.  Proceed slowly with such things, and when in a 30 day sex challenge, talk the moves out in advance.  In fact, talk these things out first, before your sex challenge, so that you can integrate kinks and quirks in a mutually enjoyable way, rather than with a dump truck full of pies.  Disclaimer: I do not currently have a pie-throwing fetish, not that there's anything wrong with being into that.

At the end of it, we had to break down what we'd done and where to go from here.  It was fun  and sometimes a bit grueling.  We were sick for much of the month and I worked over night for a major portion of it, so there were extra-ordinary challenges.  I think it helped our sex life in several ways.  We are definitely doing it more and we know more about each other and ourselves as a result.

One question I've asked myself since started this is whether it would work to fix dead or near-dead bedrooms.  There have been various challenges to married couples to have sex every day for a week or a month, or in one case, a year.  I can see one week being worth a try, but I'm not sure I could recommend a full month or more to couples where sex is already a source of tension.  The challenge got us talking even more than usual about it.  It once or twice got us shouting about it.

One final note concerns the legions of NoFappers, a group that holds that porn and masturbation are the enemies of a happy healthy male mind.  No, I didn't crib that from Reddit's sub-forum /r/VictorianNotionsAboutSex.  It's an actual thing that way too many modern young men have embraced.  They describe the mood-lifting, peace of mind, and physical benefits of keeping it in their pants.  Many go so far as to swear off all orgasm, partnered or not.  About six months ago I decided to get serious about my health and started altering habits and working out regularly.  I've also maintained my regular habit of getting off like a monkey watching the Banana Channel (check with your cable provider).  The effect has been better moods, more peace of mind, and overall better health. Oh, and I'm capable of getting off even more.

The 30-day sex challenge was at times a roller coaster.  I'm glad we did it.  I'm not sure that I want to do that one again, although I'm up for future challenges.   Now I've got to go clean pie filling off the mattress.