Don't Tell

Less than ten minutes ago I awoke from a vivid dream. I was a young sailor again. Rather than dreaming of big adventure, my mind took me to the experience of showing a new shipmate around and trying to show him the ropes. In the dream, as so many times in real life, that queer Spidey sense was tingling. I knew and I thought he knew each others secret. It was a quiet understanding that neither of us could voice. We had just met and already there was an old secret between us. Our understanding was restricted to glances and the sense one acquires over time about these things.

That is the day to day anxiety and pain of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Someone across from you, knowing your frustration and anger, but neither one can breathe a word. Being queer can be very isolating, but it's so much more so in the presence of other queer people but bound to say nothing.

DADT gets talked about in terms of straight people having to serve along side queers, but nothing is said of queers serving along side each other. It is a stifling loneliness that breeds sadness and desperation. It is being alone in a crowd.